4 Reasons to Quit an Abusive Relationship
The beauty of relationship is finding peace and solace with your partner, relationship can be no better where there's absence of trust, peace, understanding and above all, love.
Understand that is no necessary evil to be in a relationship but it is every evil to be and remain in chaotic one.
While it's important to be in a relationship, it is far more important to walk out of one when it gets (too) physical.
Not so many had the opportunity to quit a relationship even when they were advised to, they literally gave their all to it and were ready to do everything it took to make it work despite the fact that they were in it at their detriment, they continued headlong all attempts to make it work proved abortive that it grew worse, feeling unsecured, they restrained resistances from friends and loved ones who cared about their welfare, and saw them as enemies thus creating a wall between themselves and family. Ignorantly they continued despite the odds whose devastating outcome eventually resulted to their untimely end.
It's imperative to establish the fact that abuse isn't just physical as many may assume, it goes beyond being physical as it can also be emotional, psychological, etc.
One can be emotionally battered and shattered and matters of the heart as we know, can be very delicate. Health records have people recount cases of traumatic experiences courtesy of their partners while in relationships.
There are several reasons to why we must quit an abusive relationship which are not limited to:
1. Making awkward decisions in the pretext of sacrifices:
What some see as sacrifice can be categorised as modern day slavery by others; you being in a relationship and are being told to cut ties with your friends, families, childhood paddies just because your partner doesn't like them, your parents can't visit you in your own house, your neighbors are scared of coming around all in the name of giving in to a relationship and you believe it wouldn't get more severe than it is now when you both eventually tied the knot?
As a matter of fact, any relationship that consumes you and literally drains you of your inner strength, finances and resources and also wrecks you emotionally isn't worth it.
Is it important to make your demands? Yes it is, but you must come to the understanding that for a relationship to work, there must be mutual agreement between both parties, it's a relationship and not dictatorship. In most cases, not all cases mutual agreement must be considered, if you don't have your partner's interest at heart and you're after self then you should concentrate on being a bachelor or spinster and remaining so until you mature.
It's no demeaning of your personality to consider and opinion an walk in that light when it is good and would be beneficial to you both. Pride is an instigator of abuse.
⚠️ Humility is no mediocrity don't get it twisted, your personality is not under threat when you take a good advice from your partner.
It's important to make demands, but when demands become way too overbearing and overwhelming then checks and balances has to be put in place.
He or she now assumes the role of a god over your life, tells you the time to close from your work, when to go out and come in, what to wear and not to, places to go and places no to, who to visit and who not to, as though you're immatured to make your own decisions, and he or she claims responsibility for your life and you would say you weren't bewitched to remain with same person? Wake up! Move out!
2. Being taken advantage of:
Understand that your mental health is not a second option to a relationship. Never make the mistake of loving others other than yourself. Even the Holy Book, says love others as you love yourself not more than you love yourself. That is to say love is borne out of self love.
People are there in your life for 3 reasons; a season, a reason and a lesson and whenever they are done with either of them, let them go, do not try to hold anyone back else you would be delaying yourself from the next event set to unfold, be focused on fixing yourself and healing your wounds, you may be hurt at first, but trust me what the future holds is far better than your present predicament.
Being in a relationship where your partner's ultimate goal is to milk you dry of your resources and hard earned living, is one that would lead to an inevitable comatose and wreck on your financial life. And mind you, what affects your finances also affects your mental as well as psychological health.
If what you get out of you're present relationship is bitterness and spite it is enough reason for you to walk out of such relationship and settle at where you find peace.
You hear some ladies say; "My Dad never touched my mom all through their years of marriage and a testament of that as such, I can't be a with a woman batterer" and when asked how they settled their feud perhaps, some may say, "I don't know how they do it, but they have their way of settling their issues outside the sight of the kids, we have never got to see them fight".
This is so because they found an alternative to settle their differences.
Never allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed, you hear people saying "because of this argument we had or misunderstanding you want to call of this relationship?" And mind you, it was this "minor argument" that led you to the hospital heavily bruised with stitches and bandages round your head and three systematic surgeries you have to take in space of 6 months.
3. Insecurities:
Stop feeling insecured. Insecurities brings contempt. Insecurities brings mistrust, unfolds bitterns and activates unusual anger.
You find your partner with someone you haven't seen before, you neither waited for an introduction from your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" or introduced yourself, you start harassing them both, publicly creating a scene and generally embarrassing you both which give the wrong interpretation of a cordial relationship that might exist between you not, because as a matter of fact, you had your emotion get the best of you and you exhibited or unfolded the rascality in you. As a matter of fact what the eyes can see cannot be manipulated.
While watching learn to observe, while conversing learn to listen. Sometimes, you shouldn't be extremely harsh, it's a killer of joy, it's a breaker of bond.
What you probably thought was a peck, could be a mere conversation he decided to tell her on the ears to avoid a passerby from knowing it's content but based on you be insecured, what you had probably seen from afar off was a peck and you're so paranoid that you eventually want to beat both of them up simultaneously.
4. Physical abuse:
This actually, is the centre of discussion. There's no justification for physically abusing your partner no matter the offence, if you no longer find interest in such relationship, then it's best you calmly leave, by walking out of a relationship peacefully you leave with a sense of integrity other than causing catastrophe, and doing everything humanly possible to wreck your partner who now becomes you ex or is presently your partner and then you feel physical abuse is your last resort.
I believe in decency, as a guy you can be anything other than a woman batterer, such persons leaves the human mode which entails passion and compassion and ignites what I call "beast mode" just to satisfy themselves. Some persons, use this to boast while discussing with their friends, that they can physically compel their partners to succumb to heir decisions and this is not right.
You hear people say; "things like this happens, there is no relationship where partners don't fight or have misunderstanding" but mind you, I do believe that there are a lot of alternatives other than getting physical with your partner.
Heed on to this advice to walk out of your partner's life when it becomes rusty, love is not all that is to a relationship, because when love gradually withers away, friendship is what remain (stands). Friendship is what you fall back to, it's like a recycling mode, a systematic revolver of feelings and emotions and intimacy soon settles in.
Remember nothing last forever to the fact that even love has limits and timeline. That being said, you have to be prepared for such time, and what would you do or being doing to make the marriage work and stand the test of time when matters of indifferences arises? Punch your partner in the face? Hell no! You then have to leverage on understanding and meekness to resolve matters amicably and this brings about you letting go of pride and arrogance, forgetting who's at fault and who's not, forgetting whose blame it is, forgetting who started it and then focusing on how to reignite the spark of love again. Remember, love knows no ingenuity.
If you can't derive joy from what you call a relationship, how much can you derive anything when married. It's no unfaithfulness to leave someone that makes you feel worthless all in the name of trying to make you live up to their standards.
If you can't meet up with their standards now, how then can you meet up with them when entangled in "marriage" would you rather be on the search for the next drug deal to have a mint of dollars to take home to your partner or rather, doggedly in search for the next vulnerable "client" that would be entrapped by your criminal booby traps just to pacify the incessant demands of your partner.
Thus, this is why you must take observance while in courtship. There lies the saying that old habits never die, if he/she has a habit of making people look miserable and you have occasionally being a victim while undergoing courtship isn't that a red flag already?
In search of finding favour in the sight of their partners, quite a number have degenerated to illegal and immoral practices just to please a sole being, who would still be ungrateful despite your sacrifices.
I have said this times without number that; no one is worth your life, avoid being people pleasing and start doing what makes you happy which also leaves a positive impact on others.
If perhaps, you are looking at all the investments you have invested in your partner, making them who and what they are today and they still chose to be ignorant of that, and go as far as rebelling and you are left with the option to stay back and weep all life long, or to end your life as you're presently in a miserable state, I would say that isn't the best of options.
The fact that you were once great, is a reassurance that you can still be great, there's a 100% eventuality that you can still get back on track, if you put your life in order by moving ahead with what you have left, believe you me you can make up something with that, self belief is the inherent capacity to achieve greatness despite our limitations, and your mind is the only thing that can limit you.
If you feel there can't be any better, trust me that's because you haven't gone on an adventure, there's always going to be someone better out there.
I have come to understand that people are there in one's life for 3 reasons; a season, a reason and a lesson and whenever they are done with either of them, I choose to let them go, am more focused on fixing myself and healing my wounds, than being concerned about what hurts and what doesn't. It's only natural to be hurt at first, yeah I do have a heart 💓 and it's not made of metal 😌 but trust me there's always going to be someone better out there.
Someone who's would literally comfort, support and help you heal, who would genuinely celebrate every little achievement you have as though it was theirs.
Be bold to "Block" and "Delete" if you feel giving an explanation is worth it before taking your desired action, (establish your reasons and maintaining a formal ground, and having a clear conscience) do it but if you don't feel like do it nonetheless, your mental health is more important than a failed relationship.
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